Wednesday, September 13, 2006
Things that seriously entertained me today....
1. How easily you can forget that you're on a college campus. That is, until the first week of classes when every club and organization is hounding you like cheap whore (so I hear) to join them. When every freshman is dressed to the NINES in their finest of fineries to impress anyone who might care to look in their direction. When every college administration puts the spit shine on all the campus buildings, eateries and outdoor patio places. This is not an event soley reserved for George Mason University. Oh, heavens, no. This happened at YOUR alma mater. It happened at mine. It probably still does.
But my absoloute favorite part of the whole "first few weeks back" of the BTS thing is the COLLEGE POSTER SALE. And I always forget about it until that first week when my eyes are assaulted by the requisite Bob Marley with his requisite joint and knowing (if not unbathed) look, the mind-boggling Escher prints or maybe even get a glimpse of a favorite medieval Lady of Shalott/Any Chick From Tennyson picture. Who buys this crap? I especially like the "100% unique" sign tacked onto the sandwich board outside the student center. What's unique about it? Is even 15% really unique? Doubt it. I remember freshman year being lured to the expanse of tables with large bound books of these images -- but I managed to escape that year -- and every year following without making a purchase. Not even a totally-sweet tie-dye wall hanging-sheet-like-thing. Blacklight poster? No thank you. Scarface movie poster? All stocked up, thanks. Maybe a large portraiture homage to Tupac? Another time, perhaps.
1.5 It never ceases to amaze me how freed-up college parking lots are in the morning round about the second week of class. Seems about 30% of the students can make pretty fair estimates of their course loads within the first few class meetings and then just maintain a decent blood alcohol level and sleep in the rest of the semester. Hey, no sweat off my back, though. While they're enjoying their plastic-coated, college-issue, extra-long twin in their cinderblock confines, I'm getting a sweet spot.
2. The nurse I shadowed yesterday's name was So-And-So Glasscock. Seriously. I don't have enough TIME to crack all the obligatory jokes here. I'll give you a moment to let it all sink in. Let the Glasscock sink in. And the best part was that she introduced herself to me like there was absoloutly nothing hilarious about her last name.
3. Dateline's To Catch A Predator. I swear it was a repeat tonight, and damned if I still watched it again. I want to get a beer with Chris Hansen -- the literal cock-block of the whole operation. (I've typed "cock" more times in this blog...) There is something so charming about the way Chris Hansen can read back the explicit chat room conversations to the alleged predator that makes you just want to cuddle him -- cuddle him and get the shivers all at the same time. It makes you feel all dirty, in a good Dateline kind of way. Tonight's sound bite was: "You said to her, 'I want to put my thang in your mouth.'" It's not at all unlike how your mom would sound if she were reading the screenplay of the X-rated version of the last time you did it. Well articulated, read with the genius of a Shakespearian actor and yet, extraordinarily disturbing to hear it outloud. I esspecially appreciated Mr. Hansen's true-to-the-text pronunciation of "thang". No wonder it was nominated for an Emmy.
But my absoloute favorite part of the whole "first few weeks back" of the BTS thing is the COLLEGE POSTER SALE. And I always forget about it until that first week when my eyes are assaulted by the requisite Bob Marley with his requisite joint and knowing (if not unbathed) look, the mind-boggling Escher prints or maybe even get a glimpse of a favorite medieval Lady of Shalott/Any Chick From Tennyson picture. Who buys this crap? I especially like the "100% unique" sign tacked onto the sandwich board outside the student center. What's unique about it? Is even 15% really unique? Doubt it. I remember freshman year being lured to the expanse of tables with large bound books of these images -- but I managed to escape that year -- and every year following without making a purchase. Not even a totally-sweet tie-dye wall hanging-sheet-like-thing. Blacklight poster? No thank you. Scarface movie poster? All stocked up, thanks. Maybe a large portraiture homage to Tupac? Another time, perhaps.
1.5 It never ceases to amaze me how freed-up college parking lots are in the morning round about the second week of class. Seems about 30% of the students can make pretty fair estimates of their course loads within the first few class meetings and then just maintain a decent blood alcohol level and sleep in the rest of the semester. Hey, no sweat off my back, though. While they're enjoying their plastic-coated, college-issue, extra-long twin in their cinderblock confines, I'm getting a sweet spot.
2. The nurse I shadowed yesterday's name was So-And-So Glasscock. Seriously. I don't have enough TIME to crack all the obligatory jokes here. I'll give you a moment to let it all sink in. Let the Glasscock sink in. And the best part was that she introduced herself to me like there was absoloutly nothing hilarious about her last name.
3. Dateline's To Catch A Predator. I swear it was a repeat tonight, and damned if I still watched it again. I want to get a beer with Chris Hansen -- the literal cock-block of the whole operation. (I've typed "cock" more times in this blog...) There is something so charming about the way Chris Hansen can read back the explicit chat room conversations to the alleged predator that makes you just want to cuddle him -- cuddle him and get the shivers all at the same time. It makes you feel all dirty, in a good Dateline kind of way. Tonight's sound bite was: "You said to her, 'I want to put my thang in your mouth.'" It's not at all unlike how your mom would sound if she were reading the screenplay of the X-rated version of the last time you did it. Well articulated, read with the genius of a Shakespearian actor and yet, extraordinarily disturbing to hear it outloud. I esspecially appreciated Mr. Hansen's true-to-the-text pronunciation of "thang". No wonder it was nominated for an Emmy.
# posted by Cathy @ 10:53:00 PM 
