Tuesday, August 29, 2006
OO-ee, OO-ee baby, won't you let me tell you 'about my.. sea cruise
Strictly by the numbers: (perhaps pictoral evidence to be provided later -- only because I haven't personally moved into the age of digital photography and I'm waiting on Target to get my 35mm film back. Please take this opportunity to crack any and all "What, you still use 35mm cameras?!" jokes now....)
- 3,198 - fellow cruisers -- and judging by the ones who were rooming on the left, the right and below our balcony -- all filthy chain-smokers who tell really lame jokes very loudly at all hours.
- 2,750 - dollars not won in Bingo. Bingo is dead to me now.
- 50 - countries represented by both passengers and crew. Thankfully, all speaking English.
- 9 - planets in the solar system when we left.
- 8 - planets in the solar system when we got back. Poor Pluto. I was dissed off the tetherball team in the 4th grade after I was already chosen. (Chosen last, but hey.) I know how Pluto feels. Just when you think you're "in". My next question is thusly -- What, then, did My Very Eager Mother Just Serve Us Nine of? Or does she just serve us nothing now?
- 6 - times I had to watch all or part of either: "Charlie and the Chocolate Factory" and/or "Rocky". I know, I know. I was on a cruise, what was I doing watching so much TV in the cabin. I don't know the answer to that. Maybe trying to give my liver a break from the rum punch, and my melanocytes a break from the UVA and UVB solar rays. But I wished there was a little more movie variety -- seeing as how I was made to watch "C & t C F" on the last cruise, too.
- 5 - perfectly executed (and uniquely different) jokes with the finest specimens of sarcasm laced through them that were lost -- even when repeated -- at different times, on: 3 waiters, 2 caribbean snorkel guides, 1 casino dealer, a magician and my traveling companion -- the Betrothed. Am I too funny for my own good? Is the humor such a high-frequency that it can't be detected by the human ear? I can't think of any other feasible rationale for their crash and burn!
- 4 - dinner courses consumed each evening: appetizer, soup/salad, entree' and dessert. Every one was more delicious than the last and worth every calorie. Though, to our credit, the Betrothed and I went easy on the food this go-round and have come back in our orignal measurements.
- 3 - number of times I actually worked out on the ship. Yes, working out while on vacation. Impressive, isn't it? I tell you, you can run forever when you've got a tredmill looking out on the ocean. Magnificent.
- 2 - pirate hot spots visited. Innumerable cheesy pirate-esque photos taken miming hooks, eye patches and general swarthiness.
- 1 - day short of being on that cruise "soon to be eaten by hurricane Ernesto" in the Gulf. Poor bastards.
- 1:1,000,000 - strange odds that we'd end up with the same delightful Junior Cruise Director from the last cruise ship (R.I.P.) on this cruise, who remembered us from the last cruise (namely my uncanny ability to sound like Cher in the kareoke contest) only to learn that we're all getting married on the exact same day -- Cha, I mean the same MONTH-DAY-YEAR -- only she's hitching in merry old England.
- 0.95 - amount of my upper left thigh that was in constant contact with significantly larger right thigh of the guy next to me on the plane ride home.
- 0.3- percent of my seat being sat on by the aforementioned fellow passenger.
# posted by Cathy @ 2:59:00 PM 
