Sunday, April 23, 2006


So THAT'S what friends are for

Tomorrow I am meant to "test out" of the practical aspects of my future nursing career. You know, prove to my professors that I'm good for more than "... the doctor will be in shortly", "...keep this under your tongue" and a leggy walk in a naughty nurses outfit (that's next semester, for SURE).

Because I get so very little feedback (read: none) from the plastic nursing school manequins that are delightfully littered with staples, gashes, holes of every size, shape, location and patency, I spent the better part of my evening with a dear friend who agreed to help with the studying (indeed, after she was promised "I swear I will not be inserting anything into YOU."). Like the amigo that she is, I was changing wound dressings on her sweatpants and hanging IV bags from her lampshades in no time. Truly, though, she pulled out all the stops and gave her most oscar-worthy performance when she created for me, in her fist, a faux phallus that I might practice catheter insertion on. What a pal!

I think we both gained something tonight. Mine was two-fold, perhaps. 1) Confidence in my practical skills so I can rock the party tomorrow. 2) Knowledge that I have a friend who willingly pantomimes genitalia for my educational benefit.

And her profit? She gets a good "weekend" story for the office tomorrow. In my head it goes something like this : "My weekend?.. nothing special... Cathy gloved up and put a catheter into my fake penis... you?"

With friends like these, who needs patients?

Cathy - I love you dearly, and we have gone through a great deal together. But I think that no matter what happens I can safely say you will never...NEVER be inserting a catheter into any oriface of my body, fake or not! Much Love!

I'm a little hurt that you haven't catherized my fake pee pee yet...

Is it the size that bothers you? I can get a smaller one...
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